don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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