Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
