Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
someone owes me an orgasm
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
