I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
