Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
