dude i'm inner monologue high
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
