It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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