Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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