He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
