i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Can you bring me the toilet please
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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