just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
