last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
