Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
