I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
