Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
