Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just pynch a tree in the face
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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