I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
