garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
