he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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