I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
