I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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