I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
