Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
