Plan B is the new Plan A
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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