dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
