everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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