Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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