i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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