Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
