Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
