i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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