Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
