whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
false alarm, still single
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
