Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
