a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
