Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
