you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
