Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I wear drunk well.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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