i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize