8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.