please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
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at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
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Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?