I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?