North Korea, Best Korea!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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