Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
