I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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