What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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