You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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