so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
