That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
