well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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