You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
