This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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