So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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