I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
