he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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