I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
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Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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