yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
