Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
