how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
