how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
