Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
