Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he fucked my hip out of place.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
