you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
