afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
