Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
