Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
