Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
